Should you return gifts from an ex after a breakup?

When a relationship ends, one common question that arises is whether you should return gifts given to you by your ex-partner.

This can be a delicate subject, and the decision depends on various factors, including the nature of the gifts, the reason for the breakup and your personal feelings about the situation.

What kind of gift was it?

Not all gifts are created equal. Sentimental items like jewellery, letters, or personalised items can be trickier to decide on.

You may feel an obligation to return engagement rings or high-value items, as these are often seen as connected to specific relationship milestones.

Everyday items, such as clothes or electronics, may not feel as emotionally charged, and returning them might seem unnecessary.

Legal considerations

In legal terms, a gift is defined as a voluntary transfer of property from one person to another. Ownership of the gift does not depend on the outcome of a relationship.

As there is no ‘consideration’ or ‘intention to create legal relations’ involved, the transaction does not meet the criteria for a contract.

Legally, the ex-partner has no right to demand the return of the necklace. The recipient is not obligated to hand it back, and the request may simply be an attempt to persuade the return of the jewellery.

Moral standpoint

If the gift is expensive and the ex-partner is facing financial hardship one might question whether it would be appropriate to return the it.

Likewise if the gift is a family heirloom or hold great sentimental value, the moral duty to return the item may be stronger.

A way to move on?

For the recipient, returning a gift can be a symbolic way to bring closure to a relationship.

They may feel as though they’re severing the last ties to the past and this can help provide emotional relief and a clean slate to move forward.

Practical considerations

If the breakup was amicable and both parties remain on good terms, the decision to keep or return gifts can be discussed openly.However, if the breakup was less civil, you might feel pressured to give back certain items to avoid conflict.Additionally, the practical aspect of what to do with expensive or valuable gifts can play a role in the decision.

A version of this article was published in the Financial Times.